How often do we lose sight of the world around us. To know how to count our blessings and not bother ourselves to much with the extra stuff in life?

I question my mindset on job search, on life.. and yet, I find myself slipping into it oh-so-often. Since when do I take time to count my blessings. For having been able to live my dream, for a superb family, wonderful and supportive friends who have been with me through ups and downs. Compared to the less fortunate, less privileged, I am a hundred times or even mroe better off than them.

Things like GPA looms so big at times - worrying about grades, being worried after not doing well and making a fuss about it. But when you look at the big picture, it is just something small and really not that significant.

Maybe it's time to take a step backwards and see the world as it is meant to be seen. Can I do it?

Spent today doing work... Working on 3 papers and worrying about another one is not fun at all... This sem is not turning out the way I had envisioned it. But enough of that...

So this weekend, I found myself having to prepare for 2 presentations and 2 related papers, on top of my part for a 3rd paper for OCD. Looming in the shadows is my research proposal for my thesis due next Monday. I have barely gotten a squeaked a word out for it. Need to really focus and start on that one soon. In the meantime, I scanned through like 6 to 8 articles today on cohabitation for my debate for dev psych...

I'm working on my part for cog psych... need to come up with my powerpoint slides for the benefits of the paper and for future research. I will then have to edit the report.

Throw in a write up on the life cycle of Apple Inc. My head is swarming with all the research from these 3 areas. Make me feel like pulling a MIA stunt and escape from it all.. but then again, escapism is not a good option... so...

Ok.. besides random one-liner posts whining, i haven't really been blogging. Call it lack of time, blogstipation or what not... it's just that I feel this sem spinning far out within my control. It's hard to explain why.

Been staying in school to clear work. Looking for articles, writing up my study, doing random stuff... Work is piling up. Thesis, projects, papers, presentations, proposal report. All due within the next 2 to 3 weeks. It is daunting. amd I'm getting rather worried.

I will press on... Clear things one at a time, do damage control to make up for my absymal midterm grades.

Came across this poem. Very poignant. Kind of describes how I feel sometimes.
====
Lost Again (http://j181.deviantart.com/art/Lost-again-62866363)

I am
back to where I started
I am
so far from myself
and I am
so lost again

I don't want to see
everything I've lost in me
and I need sometime to sort myself out again
Everything was so simple back then
And you were the only one
Only you understood my spontaneous outbursts of randomness
You were the anchors to my everything
And now I can't seem to find myself
and every time I try,
I wind up lost in the end
I'm back to picking up the pieces of my broken life
I couldn't imagine me without you
I had dreams of you being my wife
I'm only a shadow of my former self.

I am
back to where I started
I am
so far from myself
and I am
so lost again.

Stressed! Stupid dev psych midterms!!!! *faints*

Did some online job application just now... and was answering a string of questions to determine if I had a 'fit' with the kind of person they were looking for.

Was just thinking... it is easy to 'lie' on the questions... Afterall, it is easy to guess the attributes that companies do look out for... But.. is it worth it? To get the interview.. . and even the job? Like... when you try and force yourself to be something that the company wants?

Ok.. I'm being slightly incoherent now... Midterms have zapped too much of my cells today.. Shall go and sleep...

Serious damage control needed. Can't do anything about midterms which have come and gone. Will work towards the rest of the stuff - presentation, papers and finals...

It's after the mid term break liao.

Need. to. focus.

Was busy with my pilot study and studying for developmental psych towards the end of the midterm break. Dev psych midterm is finally over.. so now.. time to start clearing reports and projects. SMuggerhood, here i come!

Term break came and went...

While I tried to enjoy myself and cut myself some slack, I also spent time worry and agonising over my thesis, something which I'm kicking myself for taking it up, and yet enjoying certain parts of the process. It's seriously a love-hate relationship.

However, as Siyi puts it, I think i will be 'damn proud' of it after I finish it. I'll let you know when I do...

Then there's research for my org change mod on Apple... and dev psych midterms on Wed... Need.to.pia.

Been hanging out in the wellness centre in the capacity of friend of friends when I can't get a room. A bit more to go and my pilot will be almost ready.

Sitting in a gsr, 10pm on Monday of Week 8. Yes, it's the same day since my last post. But I'm feeling happier as I sieve through a 4cm think pile of psych reading. I see ideas, definitions and research for my lit review shaping up. I don't mind reading it so much.

I actually think I'm in an 'euphoria' stage, where I've kinda like gotten over my tiredness and am now gearing to working or piaing for my stuff. The bad news, it's 10pm!!! I can't stay in school much longer. Hope I don't lose the momentum after I get home.

Just finished a meeting that started at 2.50 pm. 4 hours of intensive brain storming, tossing and turning of ideas, debating, justifications and elaboration of ideas. It's over finally...

I still have tons of psych papers to read so that I can churn out my pilot studies by tomorrow, i'm tired.

Guess what, it's week 8 (ie: break week)!

*stressed* I think i screwed my OCD midterm... *bangs head*
But ya.. my fault... so bo bians... Not enough sleep, didn't really study, didn't read question properly... what am I thinking of when I have SO MUCH at stake? Sigh....

I need to sleep... then... Cognitive psych for tomorrow....

To go or not to go?

If only I was back in Europe where I could make my own decisions where to go and things I wanna do.

*think think think*

Meanwhile, I wasn't very productive today... Need to mug now!!!

It;s 3.46. I logged off MSN almost 2 hours ago, thinking I would go and sleep...

and then I got caught up in the online world of flash games, blogs... and news. (Well, I did read the Formula 1 news). I really should go to bed earlier. Not stay up till so late to do so much random stuff. Otherwise, I should probably spend my time on more productive stuff.

There's the job applications coming along as deadlines for banks closes.
And then there are the 2 midterms I should be studying for.
Then I should read about GE before attending their networking session tmr...
And I need to get up to meet Ade in school at say 11 plus 12. I hope I won't be late...

Meanwhile, after reading about a cockraoch invading my friend's room, I declare that I'm battling an ants infestation in my room too! I have no idea where they come from. They are black ants that gives off a weird smell when squished. What was disgusting is that they even attack my cup of water!!! Ya.. I left half a glass of water on my table last night. This morning, there were enough ants to make a 10-cent coin floating in there. Errr.. thanks lor~!~

Anyone has ideas on how to get rid of them?

Why did the man throw the butter out of the window?

He wanted to see a butterfly!

==========

hurhurhur.... amused? Some lame joke my sis told me...

This week is filled with mugging and meetings and prep for stuff. Oh well... battle ahead!

Gosh.. my life seems to revolve round and round mugging and school and mugging and school. Come to think of it, haven't really been out out... Just school, school stuff. Meet up with friends in school... back home, school... and then i get a 3 day rest where I slack and do nothing. hurhurhur...

Jaded, Cynical, Judgmental, Critical... I think that kinda sums up the new me... or at least me these few days? weeks?

Am not liking the change. Bah!

Oh.. let me be a hermit... with no school and work commitments, no deadlines to meet, no imminent tests coming up or no need to do job serach and attedn career talks. Bleahz...

I feel like going back to St Gallen . :( Seriously missing my semi-hermit life there... and the beautiful scenary.

Mid week, week 4.


Life's hectic. Or maybe it's cause i'm not being particularly productive. So many things on my to-do list. Trying to clear them one by one, but at the same time, when I'm done with one task, my list is lengthened by a couple more. Yet, my social life is also picking up when work starts coming in and piling up. In between that those, I'm playing Microsoft Hearts, trying to collect all the cards for 4 consecutive rounds.

So go figure where my priorities are. :)

These 2 weeks have been long, meaning, i've been staying late in school almost everyday. Meetings, talks, dinners... I'm hanging out at the library more often. At the very least, I have Mondays off, thus giving me a slightly longer weekend where I usually remain unproductive.

Life is normal... in and out. no big adventure, nothing exciting happening. =/

Gillian -- [noun]: A hermit living in the big city 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Sounds like me?

I'm feeling so nua... nua... nua...

It's 4.10am now. I have a class at 10.15 tomorrow morning. I should go and sleep. yet, i'm preparing stuff I should have prepared over my 3 day weekend break. Procrastination is the thief of time. If I get $1 everytime I procrastinate, I should be pretty rich by now.

How many other times have I blogged about procrastination? *big sigh!*

Shall go sleep soon. need to be more disciplined...

Do work instead of going to www.mousebreaker.com and playing spastic games which are addictive and somewhat fun. (p.s.: my favs are parking perfection, some diving thingee and I spent one hour this afternoon learning the geographic location of the states in America in Geogenius)

And i'm wondering why I am still up.

As I play the words around in my head, I shake my head and toss them out. Haven't blogged in days cause maybe there is nothing to blog about. I really don't know or don't have anything to write.

School's started for 2 weeks. Days seem to pass in a blur. With a seemingly slack timetable with only 3 modules, I still feel as if I am losing track of my time. Where do those misplaced hours go? Surfing the internet? Playing games? Maybe it's cause I have another distraction - the US Open which is on these 2 weeks.

Time to get into gear. Need to clear my to-do list.

What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For?
	You would fall for the geek. If you're looking for love, consider spending a little more time studying up in the library. To you, there's nothing more attractive than intelligence, shyness, and kindness; your future love may have four eyes and zero social skills, but he'll make up for it in brains and heart.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

I had a hair cut today... and did something I never really thought I would do - I highlighted my hair reddish using my natural colour as the base. Turned out quite well I think. Now my hair has this purply/maroon hue to it. So yeah... Quite happy with the job and I think the stylist who cut my hair was pretty good. All thanks to Yuanshan for her recommendation.

Other than that, it's been hanging out with the SN gals - from visiting our alma mater where we met 10 years ago, savouring orange bowl noodles whilst reminiscing about the good ol'days, to dinner and chilling out at Wala Wala, plus going for a hair job today. Nice!

Yeah... must make use of the time before Mabel goes off for her exchange to HK in 2 weeks. Its interesting how at least one of us SMU-ers have been missing at least once a sem for 3 consecutive sems due to exchange. And Shwen is back! So it's more hanging out to compensate for the soon-to-be one year absence as she heads back for her 4th year of study. Ade!!! Come back soon!

Need to ration out my chilling out time and to take out some time for work as I still have outstanding stuff to settle. It is time to get back to school mode, seeing how the NUS-ers and NTU-ers have started school liao.

So many things to settle in the new acad year. I think I booked myself onto an unforgettable ride. I just hope it is not the wrong decision. 2CUs, thesis, oral defense. These are scary words. To come up with and execute my own research project... Oh well... nothing is impossible after all.

Plus, I'm still deciding if I should carry on with the HR Training and Development module I got, or take on Finance just to learn more. If I do Finance, should I ask if I can audit the class or just bid for it outright? I'm not sure how Finance (or T&D) + 2 psych mods will work out in the midst of thesis preparation. But 2 psych mods seems very little. Haiz... decisions... Maybe I should just ditch the Finance idea...

On a side note, HK's still beckoning at the end of the year, which is good!

Been back for a week... It's just been busy, busy, busy... I think I need a break from going out. To just chill at home, catch up on sleep, do nothing.

My first feelings after I arrived is that I haven't exactly left at all. Nothing changed... except the Seiyu is now BHG, U2 is called G2000 blu. But all these are subtle changes...

Was treated to lovely Donut Factory the day I arrived, courtesy of my brother who went to queue and luckily for him, it only took him half and hour or so he claims but nevertheless, a nice gesture. By the way, they are scrumpilicious. Had Jap food for dinner.

Monday marked the start of the meeting of various friends and various groups of friends. It's nice to see everyone again! Plus I had to go back to school to settle stuff like my senior thesis and some job I was working on before I left. So that explains why i'm in school now. Going out for lunch and then I'm going home to sleep...