I am so screwed! Instead of studying for my abpsych test, I am blogging, I read blogs. I took an online memory test.

I think I'm suffering from personality disorder - antisocial disorder because I am not following the norm. Throw in a bit of depression whereby there is loss of mood and appetite.

Hopefully I don't have any sexual disorders... nor problems with gender identity. I am glad I'm not a caffeine (stimulant) addict. Maybe I should take some sedatives and go to sleep. Miss the class and presentation.

I think i'm displaying symptoms of schizophrenia. Studying abpsych... No.. not contemplating suicide though. Hahaha...

test in 1.5 hours. I gotta be in school in half an hour. Help!!!

I din get selected for any of the 5 projects under the govt internship. Ah wells... maybe it's time to go back to HR. Or maybe this particular London/New York thingee... but I dun really like overseas internships. It's scarier than a local one.

1 presentation, 1 more test and my term is effectively over.

Been in a choir-y mood recently. Feel like singing all the SN songs. 'Candle on the Water', 'Silver Lining'. Don't know what caused the certain bout of nostalgy.

Slides to prepare, script to write, notes to study. Seems like a lot of things to do before I sleep tonight.

spent the better half of my abpsych lesosn stoning... surfing net... clicking around...

I somehow see symptoms of schizo in me... That's the bad thing about doing abpsych...

Last week of school... 2 presentations, 1 test, 1 full day. And all these is gonna happen within these 3 days. I've been feeling... so nonchalent, that I can't believe it. HAhaha...

Just felt like blogging this lyrics down...

Broken hearts,
Crying eyes....
Wait alone, in the dark of the night
It's time we went beyond the walls of our own lives...
It's time we heard the difference, it's time we heard the cry

One by one...
Hand in hand...
Hearts to hearts... oh we've got to understand
There's so much more to life than living day to day.
We got to bridge the distance,
we got to make the way.

Let's be the hands, that comfort every cold and lonely man
Let's be the feet, for those who do not have the strength to stand
Let's be the love, that reaches out to every boy and girl
Let's be the arms, that reach around the World

One presentation down... I would say this was one of the nicest presentation and better one I had. So three cheers!

These couple of weeks have been kind of a roller coaster. Kinda slacky (cause I only have 2 presentations), yet fraught with deadlines and anxiety as prsentations loom and exams knock on the door.

I would say I'm not a very good presenter. I had blanked out or rambled through what I say, or speak inaudibly (or so I think). Hahaha.. so today was good..

Slackign in the school library now... Dinner with qinny! Yay! good food! :)

A post I wrote on 1st March, the day before my t&a... wrote and saved it as draft... looks like I was right after all...

===========================

Perhaps it is because I have the list of question that is coming out for tmr's paper in front of me... I don't feel like starting.

Perhaps it is because my lessons start at 145 tmr and so I know I will have the more time tmr to study.

Perhaps I just want to drag late into the night... and hopefully lengthen the time I have.

What I believe in: Everything comes at a price. I slack now and I have to pay it back later in terms of grades, insecurity, carelessness, more pressure @ 4 am later...

hohoho.. I just realise I have no class after tmr's t&a midterms... and me just realised my T&A midterm is worth 40%!

got back my most horrendous midterms... horrendous grades...

I see how I am actually applying psych theories in this case... Maybe lowering expectations of goals... trying ot justify (I had 3 midterms tt week!)... but... sigh... still feeling down... down.. down...

One of my worse midterm grades ever... tt's kinda bad... :(

Ever woke up feeling bleahz? Like your back is aching, you sense a headache coming up, you walk around feeling weird and you just want to nua the day away on the bed, sleeping?

Today happens to be one of such morning. I don't know what I did wrong... (I didn't exactly sleep that late.... nor wake up that early) Yet I'm feeling like crap now...

I gotta drag myself off to school soon... *ulps*... Week 12 is a-coming! Lalala...

Sometimes, I do wish for an apple to drop... :)

Gillian flops over... I hope I don't die tmr...

IO paper due tmr @ 5. Thank goodness for late deadlines. but it doesn't really change the fact that I am quite dead...

3000 - 4000 words... Current word count: 191. Congratulate me... But I do believe that words will flow once I start proper... Hahaha... *crosses fingers* In fact, I hope I will be able ot churn out more words than needed... Cutting is easier than squeezing more things out.

I don't feel panicky at all. Instead, I had the time to watch TV, watch shows yesterday... talk about prioritising and making effort...

Hahaha.. interesting IE class. My prof actually told this joke in class.

There is Big Ben of London and the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

One day, the leaning tower of Pisa said to Big Ben across the English Channel:
You may have the time, but I have the inclination.

It's been a long yet satisfying weekend. Went to IMH on Sat morning for some volunteer talk... Most prob gonna join a group there. Take it as a chance to clear CIP, as well as to see if this is suitable for me. :)

After than, went back to SN! I so miss the school! And I realised we did a lot of walking when we were there. The school just seems so big! From the Street 13 entrance to Sunken forum. :)
The fair was ok. We walked around, but there wasn't much to like entice us. Games do not really attract us... and food was like... normal? Usual funfair stuff? hahaha... We had like $30 bucks worth of coupons left after walking one round. But they sure brought in a lot of stuff. Amusement rides, EZone gaming machines... Oh ya... It was so freaking hot!

So later, we went to Soyabean to chill. Hahaha... one of our hang-outs then? and it was pouring! on the spur of the moment... we went yodelling!!! Wah! It was a good stress-reliever! So much for having impromptu friends.

Can't help but notice how things have changed. But memories are always there. I go back to SN not really to see the teachers (cause they can't really remember me. Stood in front of TSW for some time, but she showed no hint of recognition! hahaha...), not really to see the school (cause it's painted in quite a disgusting colours now) but more of to relive memories.

Today was SMU open house.
Question no. 1: What are the job prospects of a Social Science Student.
Question no. 2: Can you tell me more about your degree programme?

Ok.. so... what do you want to hear? Bah! I felt like I was on repeat mode after a while lor. You can do what you want.. social science disciplines provdie you with certain skill sets that you can use in most jobs... It depends on your interest. LIke... what do you want me to say? you can be a prof, a psychologist? a hypnotist?

I think some people do have some misconception of a psychologist. Maybe not 'enlightened individuals' as Siyi puts it.

Oh... Question of the day: I am interested in Sociology. What does a sociologist do? like....

A whole myriad of other questions that I spent 4 hours answering. It was rather excrutiating, yet I dunno if I was like that the last time. Oh.. and the banging of drums came at the most inappropriate time. There was this performance by a drumming ensemble in the school and the freaking place was enclosed lar. How smart can people get? There was no way people could ask/answer questions! I had to raise my voice a few decibels and felt I was shouting.

A lot of money spent on the 'wow' factor. And seriously, I think the admin building is a big waste of money. The offices are located from Level 7 onwards. And there is virtually nothing much from the 1st to 6th storey. What a waste of prime office space! Just a sports hall, a conferent hall and load of space! we are not having some art exhibition lor...

as I sit in a room waiting for my next meeting, another Thursday( my free day) spent in school.
no one is online or on MSN between 11 and 12! or rather, no one I want to talk to... I suppose everyone is on their way to school.

Had an interesting chat yesterday. Are all of us too caught up with pursuing wealth, power, control that we neglect other things? My friend was commenting that many people just follow the set route. The 'go to uni, get a degree, slog your guts out, make big bucks and be successful'. But in the process, we forget the lesser things that we would like to do. Those that do not pay much, but is something that we would really really like to do.

Hmmm.. I have no answer to that. are we really too conditioned to do well in life?

I am pursuing what I think I love. but I dunno what other things I would really really like to do, but turn my back on it. have we been conditioned to just pursue the material things in life? It's like maybe it is not a wrong thing to pursue psych, but it is the filed I go into that matters. Do I go into something because it has more career prospects? Or do I do something like social work and counselling which doesn't pay a lot, but helps people? Could there be a balance?

perhaps it's just that I am indifferent to a lot of things. Anything can-go. I am not passionate about certain cause like Animal Welfare, Youth issues and stuff.

Ok.. enough rambling. My meeting is supposed to start in 2 mins. Any guesses that people will be late?

plucking words from mid-air...
conjuring sentences from nowhere
a commentary paper I must write
of personality and IO psych

Ok.. my rhyming sucks... got no literary flair unfortunately. Makes this sound like a juvenile poem...

Hmmm... been a few days since I last blogged.. that's the toll of what 830 lessons did to me!!!

But surprisingly, I've been trying (quite successfully) to sleep earlirt (read: 12 - 1). hahaha.. woke up at bright and early 9am this morning... and I actually managed to do some work before heading to school soon for IE meeting...

Wahahahas... Hopefully I can keep this up with deadlines looming... I still dunno what to write for my IO paper yet... it is supposed to be a commentary on one of the various topics. Hmmm... comment on what? and did I mention, it's supposed to be 3000 to 4000 words. So.. that's like this weedend's work cut out for me.

I refuse to stay up the whole of wed night to rush it for Thursday's deadline like what I did last year for my RMSS paper and other stuff.. Wish me luck!

I adopted 2 eggs today... (via Char's blog) :)

Caught NTUCO at Singapore Conference Hall yesterday... It was like a gathering of SN girls... Went for face-off on Friday... Rock concert by 3 good bands... Ok... i only liked 2...

A satisfying end to midterm week... Now time to pick up the pieces and start work...

A packed week ahead with interviews for MPW project scheduled, planning and preparation of IO psych paper, filling out Econs Project, Research note and MPW journals due...

and to watch Munich!

What happened to the days where you can just slack at home listening to music blaring from any machine, cuddling up in bed with a book?

Instead of wasting time on writing cover letters and trying to sell myself, writing resumes... and desperately trying to fulfil my quota of 5 reflection journals (only did 1.. win right?).

Time to drag myself off to school... 45 mins to class! hope i can make it! Another fun-filled day.. Retro evening plus Face off! I think I am enjoying life too much! Somebody... Help me!

uh-oh.. i have a problem.. define retro?

Ladies and Gentlemen (though I'm inclined to think that my readers would be ladies):
I've survived my 3 social science midterms that tok place on 3 consecutive days! *clap clap*

I have never felt freeer, more weightless after my T&A paper today. I literally felt a burden being lifted off off my shoulders.

-------------------------------

On another note:

another disappointment...

What constitutes a disappintment?

Below expectations performance?
or have I expected too much of myself?

My heart sank when I saw my abpsych results... they were within reasonable expectations. yet... there was this much more I could have done.

I have no excuse this time round. I didn't put in the effort I should have. Makes the finals an even more daunting task...

I'm kicking myself because the papers had been do-able.. and yet... I chose to give up on them. I can't even give the excuse that the paper killed me. It's like committing suicide. I will try not to make the same mistake again *chants it 100 times*

~breathes~

A post I wrote on 1st March, the day before my t&a... wrote and saved it as draft... looks like I was right after all...

===========================

Perhaps it is because I have the list of question that is coming out for tmr's paper in front of me... I don't feel like starting.

Perhaps it is because my lessons start at 145 tmr and so I know I will have the more time tmr to study.

Perhaps I just want to drag late into the night... and hopefully lengthen the time I have.

What I believe in: Everything comes at a price. I slack now and I have to pay it back later in terms of grades, insecurity, carelessness, more pressure @ 4 am later...

hohoho.. I just realise I have no class after tmr's t&a midterms... and me just realised my T&A midterm is worth 40%!