Imagine setting out on a long journey. One with neither a destination nor a predetermined length, but supposedly when you reach your ending, a breathtaking scenary awaits you. You are free to stop along any point. but it may be hard to find your path again.

This is not about life, but of a journey I've taken.

I've been trekking for a long long time. Through dense forestry, open fields, climbed hills and picked up new survival skills. I've stopped along the way to look at flowers, savour the berries, bask in the sun. I've also spent countless night bewildered and shivering in the cold. Lost wthout a map and compass, I was unsure of how to carry on.

Meeting the occasional strangers, some nice, some nasty. Some who bothered to accompany me along the more trecherous paths and help me through difficulties. When I was tired, there were some who cajoled me to continue moving - and I did. Some stretched me to my extremes while some just made me feel completely redundant. There are others who just seemed to make the road longer and unaccomplishable.

After trudging for miles, is it time to rest and end my journey here? Though the scenary is not as nice as I expected, but who's to say I will find a nicer environment than this? Part of me wants to explore further, but it's time to let a travel-weary me take a break.

* Disclaimer: The above is just an exaggerated analogy of my path. I have not been emotionally scarred or anything. I just need to reconcile my thoughts.

It wasn't so long ago that I was standing at the traffic junction at the foot of AMK Street 13, watching cars with 'L' plate u-turn and seeing how some of them would narrowly miss the curb where I was standing and there were a couple who actually turned way off the mark. Today, it was my turn to be behind the wheels of one of those 'L'-plated car. I saw the students in their uniforms, waiting for the lights to change in their favour.

I long for those free-er days. Without having much care in the world except studies and play. Not having to reason night after night with myself and my friends over a decision. To argue the decision from a rational point of view or to include other mitigating factors like other's expectations, other's requests or to analysis what the decisions made by certain people mean.

Now, the dust has finally settled. I have made my decision. Without a doubt, a void will be created. But then again, I believe that it's time for other things to take centre-stage in my life. Family, friends, other meaningful stuff, studies and maybe the door to music may even creak open.

I feel like such a fickle-minded, indecisive idiot sometimes... Why do I have to keep going back on my decisions?

Because I never wanted to make the decision I did in the first place? or am I such a weak person who gets easily swayed?

then why can't I stay firm on what I have decided now???

Gillian is troubled...

and Baoqin.. thank you so much! *hugs* I really really appreciate it!!!

I have this urge to start playing some game and to ignore my conscious which is telling me to take notes during TWC class... The prof's words just whizz pass me.. It doesn't even go in.. and I'm just typing strings and strings of words... that in a way, holds no meaning for me...

Hmmm... I can feel a lot of things piling up.. but then I dun seem to see it coming.. and it's dangerous cause I'll probably die when it hits.

Yet another (unproductive) weekend seem to be running out of my grasp... Well, at least I made 1 important decision, (and no, I'm not getting married!). Hmmm... I'm quite decided that i'm not going to run for office for Social Science Soc. Yeah.. this is about the 20th time I've changed my mind... but with the way things have turned out and with new developments in the plot, I think I'm better off being in a sub-comm rather than on main comm... which leaves me to regret why didn't I join any other CCAs when term started 5 weeks ago.

I think I need some time out for some good ol' KTV session... but first, it's time to hit the books!

PS: Eminem rapping in the background does nth to help sooth a throbbbing head! :(

Went for my 3rd concert in as many weeks... This time, its Strings Blended, a collaboration between Guitarissimo and Obligato (the string ensemble of SMU). Went down to support and watch dear Meiju perform. Yay! Nice music except that well, when the acapella group sang 'Journey' with an ensemble acocmpanying them, Fran and I couldn't help but cringe and exchange glances. I'm not saying that I am a good singer. But I think I know my limits and my conpetencies. Let's just say that I probably enjoyed the background music more!

Anyway, been having nice chats with friends these few days. Really really appreciate all of you out there. Sitting along Singapore River (my fav spot!) and talking to Fran, Exchanging stories with Charissa over dinner, chatting with Sharon in the gsr, gushing over AKK... Kinda makes me forgets my troubles/stress I face and well, nice to talk to ppl whom you can click with.

On the work front, it's time to start preparing for midterms. Maybe I got 'influenced' by the guys in my group who apparently formed the SMS (SMU Mugger's Society) Hahahah... and I see a lot of them using the terms "Smugger' now... Innovative sia~!~ But working relationship wise, feel as if I'm not getting much headway with them... Just feel quite shut off from them sometimes... like thye don't really want to let me know what's going on. Well, I got another 8 weeks to make them change their minds...

Anyway, just to mention, I'm very inspired by the literary meme that was started by MercerMachine and that a lot of people followed... ;)

Ok. it's late... got a meeting at 12 tmr... Night~!~

Note to self: Don't read AKK's blog is class. Hahahaha... I was trying to read (yes... in class cause 830 lessons are such a chore) and I almost burst out laughing.

break now... another 1.5 hours...

* I posted this during class on Wednesday, but apparently, Blogger didn't like it a lot and didn't display it*

It's finally time to get down to some serious work... That's what I claim now.. check back with me in a couple of weeks time.. hahaha.. I'll let you know how successful I am. But it's about time to clear the pile of readings...

Anyway, I passed my Final Theory.. *phew!* I mean considering that I didn't have enough sleep.. and I read the book only 1 hour before the test. Hahaha... When doign the test, it's like I went through so many questions which I was sure I'll get right. But because the passing mark was so high, my heart was thumping when I cleicked the 'submit test' button.

Oh well.. it's over... going to learn u-turn the next lesson...

I have another 4 mins of my self-declared break at 2.56 am.

I should be sleeping... but I have 1 more question of my CAT (read: Computer as an analysis tool) assignmnet that is erm... due before 8.30 to do. Hmmm.. Procrastination yet again, coupled with tight schedules these 2 days, helping out in a flurry of activities that left me irritated. Yet at the same time, I feel blessed and loved.

HUGE HUGE thank you to all my friends who listened to me whine, offered words of encouragement, dropped me a note to see how I was doing or just being there. These are the things in life that I must learn how to cherish and appreciate~!~ To my dad, who bothered to send me to school even with soaring petrol prices and my parents for not nagging about my involvement in school although I know my mum would gladly love to say sth.

Ok.. I exceeded the 'break'... Last question! Although I have half a mind to turn it in empty (since the assignment is only 10%), but it ain't tt difficult. Just tedious... so grit my teeth and move on... I'm so glad I bought chocolates this afternoon...

Sometimes, I really wonder... Do you happen to take things for granted too easily? Or do you think that having 'connections' will make every wrong right?

I'm running into a lot of corners, certain things that purportedly has been settled are apparently not. And this is frustrating because I'm working within a very tight timeline. Not to mention, I'm doing sth that is totally foreign to me. Many people ask, 'Why am I doing this?' The answer... I really dunno. Why put myself through these sort of things again and again? I'm seriously not a sucker for some certificate or some huge gratification party...

Sometimes, I just want to do things I like. Things like singing, but for the past one and half years, I have not gotten that opportunity. Been attending acapella concerts these 2 weeks. I realised the passion to perform has never died. Maybe just kept under wraps. But my commitments within school makes it difficult for me to pursue what I like now.

Instead, these involvements are something kinda new to me. I embrace things as they come, but when the going gets tough, I wonder wistfully, whether things would be different if I had put my heart and soul into something else that I would enjoy more.

I wanted to be faithful... but I couldn't help adopting Rollie Polly... cause it's just too cute!!! Click on the pengui and make it fall into the water!!!

hahaha.. I feel super cheap thrill... but nvm...

adopt your own virtual pet!

Introducing... Hedgy!!! (Thanks to the link from Claire)

adopt your own virtual pet!

hahaha... you can click on it to make it jump!

Everything seems so fucked up! (Ok there.. i said it... been thinking long at hard at the usage of that word...)

I feel lost.. like just drifting aimlessly down a meandering river. Tons of readings, revision to do...

Midterms coming up and I still feel lost in class.

See ar.. I have a CAT assignment due on Mon. and I haven't touched it yet... It's so gonna give me a headache over the weekend.

Feel like crap now because I think I handled my group a little wrongly. I was a bit too direct with sth... and now, I'm wondering how they will take it. I don't feel like a good facilitator... I can't click with my group. At least not really... so it's weird...

I'm hopelessly lost in Research Methods. And I'm starting to feel that I'm not cut out to be in Social Science...

Sociology lessons are *yawn*. I'm just not motivated and so not interested. HELp!!!!

I need to fix up my life soon... and well...

Yay! I managed to get a driving slot for 4.40 pm tomorrow! and that was like after loads of cancellation! Driving license! Here I cometh!

I should eat sth before I go out of my house and not survive on snacks. I should learn to sleep more. I ended up zombified, pukish and hardly awake for my lesson.

Went for a haircut yesterday. I think it's a little too flat. Bleahz... but maybe it will start curling out after a few days (which it always does!) And as usual, I got the 'Would you like to try rebonding you hair' salespitch. What can I say?

I think that paying $16 for a mooncake is exhoritant. Well, make it an ice cream moocake. Trust only foodies to go for these sort of things. According to 8 days, even bird's nest mooncake costs less! (It's $68 for 6 pieces from Shangri-la Hotel). Yeap.. I'm talking about the mooncake from Haagen-Daz. But then again, the ice cream mooncake was great! Their mango-sorbet centre (which was supposed ot resemble the egg-yolk) was like! Ooh-la-la!!! Yummilicious! Not to mention the dark chocolate coating outside...

Try to beat this: Chocolate and Wasabi mooncake from Emi Cakes. Anyone brave enough to try it?

My readings are piling up by the ton-load, I have no idea what my say-everything-with-a-straight-face professor is trying to teach.. Welcome to the 4th week of school where I'm supposed to have settled in.

Or maybe I should have settled in weeks ago... Whatever. Remind me I haven't even gotten my textbook for Sociology yet. How settled in is that? week 4 seems to be the magic number. It's when most of the project meetings will start, assignments are due and when you are supposed to have an inkling of what has been going on in class thus far.

Trying to read up my excel textbook. at least it has a clear explanation of what the functions are and what they do. However, I shudder to think what it would be like for mid terms. All the formulas, parenthesis and stuff... Bah!

Anyway, I think too much of a good thing can also be bad. Went for acapella Fest 2005 which was on Thurs. Basically a concert featuring about 9 acapella groups. Let's just say it dragged on for too long and I think I got an overdose of it. Not to mention, I had to rush home to complete an assignment that was due at 2359 that very night! Ah well, the consequence of being a procrastinator.

Mid-Autumn Festival is coming soon. I want mooncakes!

I'm supposed to be frantically banging away at my keyboard, writing a 5 page reflection journal as a facilitator.. but now, my words don't even fill half the screen.. The worse thing is, it's dued tmr night, at 11.59pm to be precise. But then again, I'm going for this acapella concert so I still need to get the whoe framework and everything done by TONIGHT! *mumble grumble... I knew i shouldn't have procrastinacted so much'

Sigheth.. it's not that I got nothing to write. It's just that the words don't seem to flow. I can't seem to organise and link my thoughts together and that is annoying me. Argh!!!

Ok.. enough whining.. back to staring at my screen...

Seriously, I feel as if I'm just doing a weekly update on my life thingee... It wasn't supposed to be like that but anyway and anyhow... it just happens...

So many things that I wanted to blog during the week.. and yet... I can't really remember them now.

Things I realised:
1. A lot of ppl wants to go into investment banking (trading and stuff) and retire by 40!
2. I have not (since Bukit Timah days) spend a lot of time in the library
3. I like the new campus and yet, miss the old campus
4. I need to improve my facilitation skills... in an all-guys group

I need to get down to work and catch up with my readings. This 2 weeks has been just a blur and well, loads of stoning. Assignments are due this week. No more procrastinating.

Oh ya.. did I mention, I'm still catching the USOpen. So sue me!

I seriously think I have amnesia... I forgot sth that I wanted to blog about 5 mins ago. Help!!!