The other things in life...

I have been neglecting my blog... and no, it is notthat I have nothing to blog about, but it is again one of those mundane, whining session which I'm quite sick of.

Blogs are for expressions! and yet, mine is just an outlet for me to vent my frustrations. Do I really have nothing to talk about besides studies? or how bad school life is? I wonder...

Am I just nonchalant about what is going on around me, or have no interest in other things?

RMSS midterms is finally over... It was ok I guess..

But I seem to have a knack for oacking my day full when all I really really want/need is a good rest. It is kinda irritating cause I am also not getting enough sleep. I hate it but I'm still struggling to keep awake as I type this entry.

Procrastination - been starting to study super last minutes for 2 of my midterms. it's like I start studying 1 or 2 days before when I actually have a whole week to do it. It's annoying whe nI'm pressed for time, but I just don't get the urgency to start earlier.

I still feel lost. It's like floundering, taking a day a a time, doing projects when you should ad waiting for people to do sth before you do. I no longer take the initiative or actively participate. This is bad! Maybe I'm spending too much time with the 7 dwarves as Fran calls them. I dun think I should be so involved, but at the same time, it has become a habit.

On the other hand, one thing I've learnt is that listening in RMSS and copying notes has paid off because it is a lot easier to study. Except that the final exams is purportedly 2 essay questions! Very good!

Been contemplating certain things of late... career path, things to do after I graduate... It's like some big conspiracy. I dunno where each path leads. Sometimes, I feel like writing long philosophical entries.. but then again, who would want to read them? Maybe I should just write it for myself...

Sigh.. I think I'm starting to speak gibberish. I'll survive my packed day tmr... actually, I dun have to do much. But it's just the thought of spending it in school instead of at home that irks me! and then it's the weekend again...

My class has started for 38 mins. and I'm still at home...

Reeling from the after effects of a hectic day.. Imagine sleeping at 2 plus, waking up for an 830 class, eating a sandwich from 7-11, then having a meeting from 12 to 5 plus and then going for a dinner...

My battery ran flat yesterday... spent this morning trying to rush an assignment that is due for today's 12 noon class.. and I decided... heck.. shall just miss the class to see doc, then can start revising for RMSS and then go for driving after that... and I'll have to make up for the class tomorrow... which gives me less time to study for RMSS... Arghz!

It's a vicious cycle... I need to reorganise and re-prioritise... which reminds me, i better get off this blog too!

Gillian likes Settler's Cafe. It is a place whereby you can spend your time playing different kind of games. It's rather interesting and I think it's fun!

Been feeling rather overwhelmed. This week-long 'hols' is whizzing by me and even though I'm going back to school everyday, I don't feel that much work is being done. In fact, project meetings are there for the sake of having meetings or sth. Sometimes, I feel that I'm sitting in a room of strangers and there are awkward pauses and periods of silence. Like some blind date whereby you have exhausted all conversational topic.

Need to study for my RMSS test on Thursday. A highly intelligent prof would definitely ask highly tricky mcq questions - my philosophy. So yeah.. time to hit the books.

I've not driven for 10 days and counting. I think i'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms!

Hmmm... it's been a couple of days. 2 midterms down.. one more in like 2 weeks time.

Feel kinda guilty over Socio. I had time to study, but chose to procrastinate mugging for it until the day before. On top of that, I wasted loads of time and got myself hooked onto maplestory again. Yeah.. How smart can I get? Luckily I felt that the paper was do-able. Except that well, each mcq and fill in the blank is worth 2 marks. So erm... good luck if I'm careless or overlook sth...

Been sort of productive today. settled some project stuff and things... but that's about all.. Break next week.. let's see how much of a break I'll have..

I'm supposed to be in school for a meeting in half an hour's time.. and you've guessed it right.. I'm still happily sitting at home in front of my laptop...

I kinda just refuse to move out of my chair.. I dunno why... Or maybe I do... It's too nice a day to go to school. It ruins my mood for studying Sociology for the rest of the day.

I'm so gonna fail Sociology because I seem ot have no such interest in it. at least I bothered about Democracy last sem. I seem to be hecking Sociology.

Mid terms in 3 days time. Bah!

Sigh.. I realise that my pic has not been appearing for some time... But I'm really too lazy to change my skin... Lazy me should be studying for socio mid term.. but I have declared freedom for myself since like.. erm... yesterday after CAT midterms?

Bwahahaha.. I'm such a slacker!!! No class tmr morning some more.. Woohoo!!!

and I should really really go hit my sociology book... and memorise the million and one terminology Prof has been going thru in class.. Bleahz...

Argh!!! I'm freaking out 6 hours before my CAT midterm!!!

In my last-ditch attempt to mug for CAT, I tried 2 'test-prep' examples that my prof put up. BAD BAD mistake!!! I end up getting more lost! I really hope the test later won't be like that! I shall go sleep soon... But first.. I need to solve 1 last puestion on probability.. Arghz!!!!

I was certain of my decision yesterday... pangs of regret hit me today.

I am so indecisive. Ladida~!~

Imagine setting out on a long journey. One with neither a destination nor a predetermined length, but supposedly when you reach your ending, a breathtaking scenary awaits you. You are free to stop along any point. but it may be hard to find your path again.

This is not about life, but of a journey I've taken.

I've been trekking for a long long time. Through dense forestry, open fields, climbed hills and picked up new survival skills. I've stopped along the way to look at flowers, savour the berries, bask in the sun. I've also spent countless night bewildered and shivering in the cold. Lost wthout a map and compass, I was unsure of how to carry on.

Meeting the occasional strangers, some nice, some nasty. Some who bothered to accompany me along the more trecherous paths and help me through difficulties. When I was tired, there were some who cajoled me to continue moving - and I did. Some stretched me to my extremes while some just made me feel completely redundant. There are others who just seemed to make the road longer and unaccomplishable.

After trudging for miles, is it time to rest and end my journey here? Though the scenary is not as nice as I expected, but who's to say I will find a nicer environment than this? Part of me wants to explore further, but it's time to let a travel-weary me take a break.

* Disclaimer: The above is just an exaggerated analogy of my path. I have not been emotionally scarred or anything. I just need to reconcile my thoughts.

It wasn't so long ago that I was standing at the traffic junction at the foot of AMK Street 13, watching cars with 'L' plate u-turn and seeing how some of them would narrowly miss the curb where I was standing and there were a couple who actually turned way off the mark. Today, it was my turn to be behind the wheels of one of those 'L'-plated car. I saw the students in their uniforms, waiting for the lights to change in their favour.

I long for those free-er days. Without having much care in the world except studies and play. Not having to reason night after night with myself and my friends over a decision. To argue the decision from a rational point of view or to include other mitigating factors like other's expectations, other's requests or to analysis what the decisions made by certain people mean.

Now, the dust has finally settled. I have made my decision. Without a doubt, a void will be created. But then again, I believe that it's time for other things to take centre-stage in my life. Family, friends, other meaningful stuff, studies and maybe the door to music may even creak open.

I feel like such a fickle-minded, indecisive idiot sometimes... Why do I have to keep going back on my decisions?

Because I never wanted to make the decision I did in the first place? or am I such a weak person who gets easily swayed?

then why can't I stay firm on what I have decided now???

Gillian is troubled...

and Baoqin.. thank you so much! *hugs* I really really appreciate it!!!

I have this urge to start playing some game and to ignore my conscious which is telling me to take notes during TWC class... The prof's words just whizz pass me.. It doesn't even go in.. and I'm just typing strings and strings of words... that in a way, holds no meaning for me...

Hmmm... I can feel a lot of things piling up.. but then I dun seem to see it coming.. and it's dangerous cause I'll probably die when it hits.

Yet another (unproductive) weekend seem to be running out of my grasp... Well, at least I made 1 important decision, (and no, I'm not getting married!). Hmmm... I'm quite decided that i'm not going to run for office for Social Science Soc. Yeah.. this is about the 20th time I've changed my mind... but with the way things have turned out and with new developments in the plot, I think I'm better off being in a sub-comm rather than on main comm... which leaves me to regret why didn't I join any other CCAs when term started 5 weeks ago.

I think I need some time out for some good ol' KTV session... but first, it's time to hit the books!

PS: Eminem rapping in the background does nth to help sooth a throbbbing head! :(

Went for my 3rd concert in as many weeks... This time, its Strings Blended, a collaboration between Guitarissimo and Obligato (the string ensemble of SMU). Went down to support and watch dear Meiju perform. Yay! Nice music except that well, when the acapella group sang 'Journey' with an ensemble acocmpanying them, Fran and I couldn't help but cringe and exchange glances. I'm not saying that I am a good singer. But I think I know my limits and my conpetencies. Let's just say that I probably enjoyed the background music more!

Anyway, been having nice chats with friends these few days. Really really appreciate all of you out there. Sitting along Singapore River (my fav spot!) and talking to Fran, Exchanging stories with Charissa over dinner, chatting with Sharon in the gsr, gushing over AKK... Kinda makes me forgets my troubles/stress I face and well, nice to talk to ppl whom you can click with.

On the work front, it's time to start preparing for midterms. Maybe I got 'influenced' by the guys in my group who apparently formed the SMS (SMU Mugger's Society) Hahahah... and I see a lot of them using the terms "Smugger' now... Innovative sia~!~ But working relationship wise, feel as if I'm not getting much headway with them... Just feel quite shut off from them sometimes... like thye don't really want to let me know what's going on. Well, I got another 8 weeks to make them change their minds...

Anyway, just to mention, I'm very inspired by the literary meme that was started by MercerMachine and that a lot of people followed... ;)

Ok. it's late... got a meeting at 12 tmr... Night~!~

Note to self: Don't read AKK's blog is class. Hahahaha... I was trying to read (yes... in class cause 830 lessons are such a chore) and I almost burst out laughing.

break now... another 1.5 hours...

* I posted this during class on Wednesday, but apparently, Blogger didn't like it a lot and didn't display it*

It's finally time to get down to some serious work... That's what I claim now.. check back with me in a couple of weeks time.. hahaha.. I'll let you know how successful I am. But it's about time to clear the pile of readings...

Anyway, I passed my Final Theory.. *phew!* I mean considering that I didn't have enough sleep.. and I read the book only 1 hour before the test. Hahaha... When doign the test, it's like I went through so many questions which I was sure I'll get right. But because the passing mark was so high, my heart was thumping when I cleicked the 'submit test' button.

Oh well.. it's over... going to learn u-turn the next lesson...

I have another 4 mins of my self-declared break at 2.56 am.

I should be sleeping... but I have 1 more question of my CAT (read: Computer as an analysis tool) assignmnet that is erm... due before 8.30 to do. Hmmm.. Procrastination yet again, coupled with tight schedules these 2 days, helping out in a flurry of activities that left me irritated. Yet at the same time, I feel blessed and loved.

HUGE HUGE thank you to all my friends who listened to me whine, offered words of encouragement, dropped me a note to see how I was doing or just being there. These are the things in life that I must learn how to cherish and appreciate~!~ To my dad, who bothered to send me to school even with soaring petrol prices and my parents for not nagging about my involvement in school although I know my mum would gladly love to say sth.

Ok.. I exceeded the 'break'... Last question! Although I have half a mind to turn it in empty (since the assignment is only 10%), but it ain't tt difficult. Just tedious... so grit my teeth and move on... I'm so glad I bought chocolates this afternoon...

Sometimes, I really wonder... Do you happen to take things for granted too easily? Or do you think that having 'connections' will make every wrong right?

I'm running into a lot of corners, certain things that purportedly has been settled are apparently not. And this is frustrating because I'm working within a very tight timeline. Not to mention, I'm doing sth that is totally foreign to me. Many people ask, 'Why am I doing this?' The answer... I really dunno. Why put myself through these sort of things again and again? I'm seriously not a sucker for some certificate or some huge gratification party...

Sometimes, I just want to do things I like. Things like singing, but for the past one and half years, I have not gotten that opportunity. Been attending acapella concerts these 2 weeks. I realised the passion to perform has never died. Maybe just kept under wraps. But my commitments within school makes it difficult for me to pursue what I like now.

Instead, these involvements are something kinda new to me. I embrace things as they come, but when the going gets tough, I wonder wistfully, whether things would be different if I had put my heart and soul into something else that I would enjoy more.

I wanted to be faithful... but I couldn't help adopting Rollie Polly... cause it's just too cute!!! Click on the pengui and make it fall into the water!!!

hahaha.. I feel super cheap thrill... but nvm...

adopt your own virtual pet!